Ask a Planner: Questions for Photographers

A bride recently came to us and asked for advice on what to ask photographers when you're trying to choose one for your wedding day. So, I thought I'd take this opportunity to share my answers with all of you!

First of all, before interviewing potential photographers, it's important to know the style that you want your wedding photography to be. There are SO many photographers out there these days, and they all specialize in different styles. The two basics are traditional vs. photo-journalism, but there are varying degrees within these two categories. Traditional style wedding photography is more of the posed, formal shots with bride, groom, and wedding party, using elegant and scenic backgrounds. Photographers who use a photo-journalistic style strive to "tell a story" with their photos, so they include more candid, unposed shots and usually take a lot more pictures. As I said, there is a lot of variety within these two basic styles. The best way to figure out what you want is to look at wedding photos! Check out the galleries on the Knot, Style Me Pretty, Project Wedding, etc. and save photos that you like. When you put these all together, you can start to see what style you want your wedding day photographed in.

Once you've pinpointed style, start interviewing photographers who say they specialize in this. Often, photographers bring assistants to weddings to take photos as well- then one photographer can take the posed shots while the other focuses on details and candid shots. This is a great way to get a mix of styles, if that's what you want. Ask if the photographer uses an assistant, and if it's included in the package or if you have to pay extra.

When looking at the packages a photographer offers, make sure you ask exactly what is included in them. Is there an hour limit for how long they'll be with you on the wedding day? Do you get any prints or a book included with the package price? Is an engagement session or bridal portrait session included in your package? Do you have personal usage rights* to the wedding photos? This last question is a big one!! Some photographers retain the rights to your photos, so that you receive 4x6 prints or low-quality jpegs on a disc and if you want more prints you have to purchase them through the photographer- or you can pay an extra fee to purchase your high resolution photos from the photographer. If you do so, then you can print your images whenever you want. Other photographers give you your photos as part of the original package. Make sure you understand whether or not you will be receiving a disc of your photos that you can print from or not.

The photos are the biggest thing you'll have left of your wedding day, make sure that you get what you want with your photographer! Any other suggestions on what to ask a photographer- let us know in the comments section!

(photo credits 1,2,3)

*"Personal usage rights" is different than outright owning the copyright on your photos. Photographers usually don't sell the rights to their photos to any couple, because then this couple could profit off of the photos without giving any credit or compensation to the photographer. So instead, photographers protect their work, and offer couples personal usage rights, meaning they can have the high res photos to print and reprint for years to come, but cannot sell these images to anyone. Thank you to Lindsay DeDario, a photographer friend of mine here in Buffalo, NY, for further explaining the terminology to me!

Ask a Planner: How to be a Good Bridesmaid

(image courtesy of A Stylish Soiree)

This is, of course, a loaded topic. For the most part, I think friends of the bride agree wholeheartedly to being a bridesmaid with the best of intentions. They love their friend, want to be a part of her wedding, and who doesn't like to dress up pretty and be a part of the show? :)

The thing is, when you agree to be a bridesmaid, you agree to more than just wearing a nice dress and smiling for photos. Bridesmaids have a duty to be there for the bride throughout the planning process, to assist when needed, and to (within reason) do as they are told by the bride. The Knot has some great resources for bridesmaids, detailing what their duties are and how to deal with various wedding situations. I particularly like this quote from the list of bridesmaid duties: "Be a trooper, no matter how stressful the ordeal becomes. Try not to complain about the bridesmaid dress -- even if the color is horrendous. Be gracious and tactful."

I've been a bridesmaid/maid of honor three times, and I'll be doing it a fourth time this July. Also, as a wedding planner, I have worked with countless wedding parties, both large and small, with all sorts of bridesmaids. The bottom line for bridesmaids is- you do what makes the bride happy. If she wants you to attend all four of her bridal showers, you do your very best to attend them all. If she wants you to throw one of them, you throw her a shower. If she asks that you wear an olive green gown, you wear it. And if she wants everyone to dye a pair of shoes the perfect shade of pink- you DO IT! If you're not up to following instructions from your friend the bride, then you shouldn't have said yes. 95% of the time, what she's asking of you isn't unreasonable. It's her day, it ought to go her way. When you get married, you can tell her what color shoes to buy.

P.S. For bridesmaids dealing with the 5% of brides who turn into bridezillas and make numerous unreasonable requests- check out this helpful article, again from the Knot.

P.P.S. Got any crazy bridesmaid-related stories?? Please share in the comments!

Ask a Planner: Bridal Showers

The month of May is filled to the brim with wedding showers here at Forget Me Knot Details, so I thought I'd put together a little "Frequently Asked Questions" about bridal showers from the pros.
Who should throw the bridal shower(s)?
First of all, it definitely should not be the bride. I'm not one to stick to every rule of etiquette and tradition out there, but this is a rule that was made for a reason. It's tacky to essentially throw yourself a party to get presents. ;) As for who should throw it, some people say the mother of the bride shouldn't throw it either, but I'm flexible on this one. Sometime moms or moms-in-laws really want to, and sometimes they have to when no one else is stepping up the plate (which shouldn't happen, but sometimes it does). Many brides ask their bridesmaids to throw at least one of her showers, and this is a reasonable request of her friends. Other people on the shower-throwing list: aunts, grandmothers, close friends of the family, or any friend who offers.
How many showers should I have?
This answer depends on two things: the size of your guest list, and the financial means of those throwing the shower. It might be a huge burden on your two bridesmaids to throw a shower for 120 women, since not only will they have to feed that many, but probably rent a location. If it's a large guest list, it's usually a good idea to split it into 2 or 3 smaller showers if possible. This way, people feel like they spend more time with the bride, and they don't have to watch you open 120 presents all at once. ;)
Who should be invited to the showers?
The general rule for this is: every woman on your guest list. But, this is not always expected. Many brides chose to exclude out-of-town guests that they know won't make the trip, perhaps telling them about the shower but letting them know it's okay that they can't come. Other people who may not make the shower list: girlfriends/significant others that you're inviting for the male guests' sake, but you don't really know her. Other than that, you should be inviting most of your female guests to a shower.
What should take place at my shower?
The basic outline for a shower is as follows: guests arrive and mingle, guests eat (and perhaps play games), guests watch bride open presents, guests leave. Outside of this- have fun and do what you want! :) If you don't want to play games, then don't. If you want to play 10 games, have at it! Guests can be fed a meal, or just hors d'oerves/desserts (just make sure your time matches up with this). Showers can have themes, or not. Sit down and talk with your hostesses and let them know what you'd like- even if they're surprising you with the details, at least tell them your expectations. The shower should be a reflection of you, the bride.
Should I place registry info cards in my invitations?
Another age-old etiquette question!! Many many wedding etiquette experts will tell you definitely not, that people ought to ask the hostesses where you are registered if they wish. However, practically every store with a registry gives you those cute little cards stating "the bride and groom are registered at xyz store." I say, it depends on your friends and family. Think back to showers you've attended in the past- did they include a registry card in their invite? I know within my own circle of friends, it is expected to have registry info in the shower invite- because everyone does it, it's not considered bad taste. I'm not sure if this is regional or not, but most brides in the WNY area I've worked with include registry info as well. I mean really- the whole point of a shower is to buy gifts for the bride, so registry info goes hand in hand with that. So- take the etiquette advice for what it's worth, and do what you think is best within your circle of ladies. However, please do NOT put registry info in your wedding invite- this is still tacky. ;)
While opening presents, should I announce to my guests who they are from?
One last sticky situation for our brides-to-be at showers, and I'm going to go against the grain on this one. Again, this may be regional (I'd love to know what people do outside of WNY so let me know if you know!), but I've been to many showers where the guests do this, and some where they don't. In my personal opinion, I think it's best NOT to tell everyone who the gifts are from as you're opening them. This may put your guests on the spot in front of everyone, make people self-conscious about what they got you, or start to compare their gift to everyone elses. The economy is rough these days, and not everyone can buy you that $300 set of pots and pans. So, be kind to your guests, appreciate everything you receive, and thank people with heartfelt thank you cards in the mail- not by announcing what they purchased for you in front of everyone.

Got any other questions about bridal showers- or anything wedding-related? We'd love to hear from you! Drop a question into the comments, or shoot us an email at forgetmeknotdetails@gmail.com.

Ask a Planner: Rehearsal Tips

The age old saying "practice makes perfect" is why most brides and grooms have a rehearsal of their ceremony in the few days leading up to their wedding. You only get to do this once, so you want it to go smoothly! Also, big wedding parties are quite popular, and to organize a large number of people is easier when you've rehearsed the ceremony. Here are a few tips when organizing and carrying out a rehearsal.

1. First and foremost, it is SO important to put someone in charge ahead of time to run the rehearsal. It can be a family member not in the wedding party, a friend, or a wedding planner- but remember, you can't be running the show! The bridal party and parents will be rehearsing themselves, so someone else needs to be directing.

2. Once you've chosen someone to direct your rehearsal, sit down with them and tell them exactly how you want it to go. It's frustrating for everyone if you're making major decisions about who walks when, where to stand, etc. during the rehearsal- so decide how you want things beforehand. It's okay to change things if you don't like the way it looks, but have a plan.

3. Make sure that everyone involved knows who is in charge. Make an announcement and introduce them, and let everyone know that they will be listening to the direction of this person. A wedding planner can be invaluable in rounding up bridal parties, getting people to focus and listen, and knowing how things should run. They are the pros after all!

4. Usually, three dry runs should do it. The first is just winging it, seeing how everything looks so you can tweak if need be. The second time will have your adjustments, and the third is to cement the details and make sure everyone knows their cue. Some bridal parties have got in down in two runs, some need twenty! But honestly, people are probably hungry for your rehearsal dinner, so as long as things look good, try not to insist on running through it too many times. 5. Kids in the bridal procession need to be prepped for what they'll be doing. Rehearsals are great for them, but this shouldn't be the first time they're practicing. Mom and Dad should be going over walking down the aisle with little ones so that they're prepared and excited. And, your rehearsal director should probably bring candy for bribing purposes. :)

6. Make sure you're music is set and ready to go beforehand- music glitches take up precious time and are frustrating! Whether it's a guy pushing play on the sound system, or a string quartet playing live, make sure they know their cues, and make sure your bridal party listens for their cues in the music. Again, a director and/or planner can be helpful in letting people know when it's time to head down the aisle.

Got any other tips for a smooth rehearsal? Please share!

(Photo credits: 1,2,3,4,5,6)

Ask A Planner: How To Pin a Boutonniere

Ever had a wedding-related question that you felt embarassed to ask? Did you feel like it was something you ought know the answer to already? Odds are, about 1,000 other people are wondering the same thing you are! We're going to start featuring commonly-asked questions in the wedding industry here on Remembering the Details. Anything goes: how-tos, etiquette, definitions of wedding terms- whatever you want to know. Got a question you're dying to know the answer to? Email us at forgetmeknotdetails@gmail.com and ask away!

Today, here are some tips and tricks to pinning a boutonniere on your handsome groom- or any of the other men in your wedding party. First of all, men's boutonnieres belong on the left lapel of the jacket, about 4 inches from the tip of his shoulder. Most boutonnieres look best at a slight angle away from the man's face. Hold your bout in place with one hand, and stick your pin into the fabric at the bottom right corner of the stem. Weave the pin back out of the fabric, exposing about 1 inch of the pin, and lay this 1 inch on top of your stem at an angle. Stick the tip of the pin back into the fabric, making sure that the stem is tightly held down. Weave the pin out of the fabric one more time, making sure that it's not sticking out. You can leave the tip of the pin behind the lapel if desired, but be careful that it won't be stabbing through to his skin- we don't want any bleeding grooms!

A little wedding planner trick for you- we keep extra earrings backs (the little clear plastic ones) in our emergency kit, and these are great to stick on the end of pins if the groom is worried about hurting someone. We also often have Sticky Wax with us if we are securing candles in their holders, and something like this can do the trick as well.

Hope this was helpful, and please email us your wedding questions!